In today’s operating environment, marital breakdowns within just a few years of the weddin become almost a standard risk factor, yet few stakeholders pause to conduct a retrospective analysis on why earlier generations achieved long-term relational stability with minimal divorce incidents. Our grandparents often formalised their marriage/union within months of meeting, only then was it moving on to the phase of exploring and enjoying the company of each other. This created a powerful value proposition: they entered marriage while still in a high-engagement “honeymoon” mindset. Since, to them, marriage was the exploratory phase, they continuously discovered new emotional and romantic dimen
they entered marriage while still in a high-engagement “honeymoon” mindset.
Think of how consumers interact with a newly acquired asset, a smartphone, car, or any innovative product. The initial adoption phase is marked by excitement, continuous learning, and a proactive desire to experience its features and functionalities. That same psychology underpinned their marriages: every day brought new insights, shared expectations, and collaborative growth. Emotional novelty remained a renewable resource of their marriage vows.
Contrast this with the contemporary relationship model. Couples invest years and years in pre-marital exploration; honeymooning together, trips, dinner, outings, all while still exploring each other…what they do not know is that they are running an extended pilot program that exhausts their emotional reservoir, long before the marriage contract is signed. Partners dig so deeply into each other, that by the time they formalise the relationship as marriage, the sense of discovery has been fully exhausted. The excitement curve has already gone down.
Emotional novelty remained a renewable resource of their marriage vows.
What follows resembles two passengers on a long journey who connect out of necessity rather than authentic engagement. They build a functional bond through social conversations, but not one fueled by continuous curiosity. As in those in years of relationship, once married, the perceived “mission accomplished” mindset sets in: one partner feels they have secured the asset, while the other believes they have finally achieved stability. The operational dynamic shifts from exploration to maintenance mode, creating stagnation, monotony, and emotional disengagement.
The operational dynamic shifts from exploration to maintenance mode, creating stagnation, monotony, and emotional disengagement.
At this point, both parties often revert to legacy behaviours, attempting to source fulfillment externally because the internal relational bond no longer delivers value. That is where infidelity emerges, and ultimately, relationship dissolution.
The core insight is clear: sustainable marriages are not about finding the right partner but becoming the right partner — continuously, intentionally, and with a mindset of curiosity and growth.
The writer, Dr. Tiema Haji is an academic, researcher, author, journalist, communication specialist and an accomplished poet.